This proud venture, launched in a summer of greedy expectation, ends now in the winter of our discontent. The time has come, at last, to lay the Training Portfolio to rest. We wagered our hopes, our dreams and our imaginary money on the champions of human development, only to see our team get massacred by the forces of darkness.
Final score: Ignorance 102, Learning 0.
Almost 60 percent of our original $1 million investment has evaporated, leaving us with the pitiful sum of $422,637. Even Centra Software, one of the two bright lights among our holdings, got hammered in the final months and now shows a meager 2.5 percent return. Only SkillSoft somehow survived the slaughter, presumably by launching a secret subsidiary in some business other than training.
Woe unto thee, American industry, for thy legions toil in sloth.
Not that we're bitter about this.
We suppose it would be appropriate to thank Howard Block, managing director-education services for Bank of America Securities in San Francisco, for acting as our broker, and his associate Alice Prager for administering the Portfolio. But as both are currently in hiding from our henchmen on the West Coast, we will have to wait for another opportunity to show them how deeply we appreciate the loss of nearly 600 grand.
As for what's left of the money, the proper thing would be to send it back to the Land of Make Believe, whence it came. Having grown attached to it, however, we think we'll bury it in the backyard. It's more likely to grow there.