I have my deficiencies in numbers, spatial relations, and directions (I can get lost anywhere), but a place I shine is communication. It amazes me that many who have gotten further than me in life don’t share this strength.
A common excuse when there are communication failures is that the failed communicator was afraid of hurting a person’s feelings, or that they’d “take it the wrong way.”
Leadership and manager training should take this excuse off the table.
One-on-One First
Bringing a third (or fourth, fifth, etc.) party into initial communication with one person is a quick way to get that person’s defenses up.
I once had a manager who decided that a formal e-mail with executives copied was the way to go when requesting that we set up regular meetings between the two of us and a couple junior employees. The manager could have called ne or sent a casual one-on-one note between the two of us: “Margery, I think I’d like to start meeting with you and a couple of the junior editors weekly to discuss upcoming content and review how everything is going. What do you think of that?”
Instead, I was greeted by an e-mail in which the manager explained that they were “leaning” on executives to suggest that we start weekly meetings. That’s odd, I thought to myself, I’ve been work friends with this person for more than a decade. Why are they “leaning” on executives to run a simple request or idea past me?
In leadership development, there should be role-play practice, or at least instruction, to avoid this kind of misstep. Whenever possible, it should be emphasized, start with a one-on-one conversation that provides the information to the recipient and then asks the recipient what they think of an idea and how they might like to tweak it. So, getting back to the example from my own life, the manager could have followed up and said, “How do think this would work best? Do you want to run these meetings, or would you prefer I lead them? I’m open to suggestions.”
Be Heartfelt
Part of the trick of effective communication is being sincere. If you are not, in fact, open to suggestions, say it—one-on-one in as calm, direct, yet kind, way as possible: “I’d like to set up weekly meetings between the two of us and the junior employees. I want to be a resource for you and the rest of the team creating content, and I can’t do that without being part of the process. I’m going to send out an invite later so we can get these meetings on the calendar. I wanted to give you a heads-up, so you didn’t wonder what this was about when you saw it in your inbox.”
Ironically, artificial intelligence (AI) can make it easier to be heartfelt and sincere if you know how to use the technology. You could tell an AI tool such as ChatGPT: “I have just taken over a department, and I want to set up weekly meetings with the head of one of the business units in my department. I’m not sure they’re going to love this idea. Write a note that communicates in as respectful and non-threatening way as possible my desire to start these regular meetings.” The manager then would refine whatever the AI tool creates so it suits both themselves and the recipient as well as possible.
Be Brave and Take Responsibility
If an idea, request, or criticism is a manager’s own, it’s best that they take responsibility for it. For example, if they are not happy with an employee’s performance, it’s most powerful (and fair) to speak in terms of “I” rather than leaving the confused employee to wonder where this dissatisfaction is coming from.
“Judy, I have some concerns about your work performance that I want to discuss with you,” the direct, honest, and brave manager would say, following up with specific examples of what is not being done well that needs to change, or if it’s a behavioral issue, exactly what behavior needs to improve.
I knew a manager who would prime executives with information about an employee and then sit silently like a spectator or the bystander to an accident while the executive addressed the employee—as if the manager had nothing to do with any of the proceedings and was just there as an audience member.
Like many traits, being a good communicator is an essential skill to gauge before promotions are made.
Does your leadership development and manager training go deep on the art of having uncomfortable conversations with employees?