One of the greatest challenges you will face as a leader is always being able to immediately spot the elephant—the conflict that gets in the way of success. When the elephant is not spotted, or the hidden rule of avoidance takes over, it manifests itself into one that can consume a team and even an entire organization. If left unrecognized and unchallenged, the conflict and the accepted story grow into the dysfunction that lays claim to a culture. Once an elephant takes hold, it becomes the guide that people follow to play politics—the games of power and influence—that threaten an organization and interfere in its performance. It lives in the patterns of behavior that undermine a healthy culture. With time, the elephants become not only difficult to see, but also more difficult to confront and discuss.
For the purpose of providing you with recognizable examples, the following is a list of dysfunctions that are common elephants. I invite you to add to the list. Elephants come in many colors. In no particular order or rank, the following are commonly identified elephants:
#1 Emotional abuse. This includes name-calling, bullying, and the use of profanity to intimidate others and keep them on the defensive. The more subtle approach is constant criticism and labeling. Such criticism can be delivered in a direct manner or can be veiled as challenges to new ideas or asking others to always exceed expectations. Or it takes place through third parties and through the indirect means of hurtful innuendo and gossip.
I have also observed abusive and sadistic behavior disguised as “brutal honesty,” a form of alleged constructive feedback or frankness. Using honesty as a way to communicate in a constructive manner is very different from using it as weapon of aggressive force, threat, or putting others down.
#2 Victimhood. This pattern of conduct is aimed at gaining and holding the attention of others and often manifests through people playing the role of the “poor, pitiful” characters who are in constant need of attention and for whom no solution ever works, never completely solves their problem, or satisfies their hunger for attention. Unfortunately, the victims rarely take responsibility or accountability for their own outcomes and performance, and will easily blame someone else or the circumstances of their environment.
Victimhood takes up a great deal of attention and energy from others. Needless to say, if a leader takes on the role of victim, a group, team, and even the entire organization can fall into the trappings of being victims together. This includes accepting failure and always blaming everyone but themselves.
#3 Ignoring boundaries. Going beyond the boundaries is a form of behavior that ignores the values and beliefs of the organization or community. Beyond mere rebellion against the rules, individuals who ignore the values and beliefs of an organization typically are acting in a manner that tests the culture’s tolerance and eventually may get ostracized or excluded. Unfortunately, when a leader and culture fails to confront this behavior, coalitions of “us vs. them” are formed and tolerated. Often, such patterns are maintained for long periods of time and the conflicts are handed down from those who started the conflicts to those who newly enter the organization and, knowingly or unknowingly, accept them.
#4 Baiting. One of the more common forms of dysfunction that is tolerated or ignored is intentional baiting to get an emotional response. Often, under the guise of challenging others, individuals will knowingly induce an argument or disagreement just to engage in a squabble. Although this can be seen as merely a desire to be combative and argumentative, it also usually is used to deflect or redirect from a real conflict or issue. Often, I have observed this as a form of intentional conflict to keep another motive or action hidden. In some cases, someone baiting and keeping you in an argumentative state does so to hold your attention, thus reinforcing their sense of importance.
#5 Old conflicts. In some instances, individuals derive importance and influence by keeping old conflicts alive. In such cases, they become historians holding on to past characters and ideas, thus resisting change. The lack of willingness to move forward or accept resolutions to old conflicts can show up in a variety of ways. Whatever the underlying motivation, old battles will continue to draw and enlist new advocates and fighters. The real problem is the exorbitant amount of time and energy wasted in the present on keeping an old conflict alive.
Whether it is from a past issue of unmet mutual benefit, resisting change, or an unacceptable resolution to a previous conflict, ongoing anger and resentment for unresolved issues eventually will manifest in an assortment of negative and destructive behaviors. These can include sabotage, backstabbing, and apathy. Overcoming these negative behaviors gives you good reason to confront old conflicts, regardless of how insignificant they may appear.
Such conflicts become a part of the hidden or unspoken rules. They are shared through underground signals and covert communication until they are brought to light through a sudden release of pent-up anger. Unfortunately, to be an accepted member of an organization often requires the keeping of family secrets.
#6 Withholding information. Not sharing information and knowledge is likely the most common form of passive-aggressive behavior. Because withholding information is readily defined as lying by omission, it typically results in higher levels of distrust. People will withhold information for a variety of reasons, none of which are usually good. The long-standing view is that information and knowledge are power, which are also necessities for identifying and solving problems. Among others, the motivations to withholding information include retaliation, obsessive competition, sabotage through letting others fail, selfishness, the risk of rejection, and drawing attention for self-value and aggrandizement. Too often, we see that withholding of information and knowledge prevents teams and organizations from attaining the levels of trust and commitment necessary to perform well.
#7 Abuse of rank. One of more common forms of dysfunction is the excessive use of power that accompanies a rank or position in the hierarchy and that can drive levels of fear, distrust, and lack of motivation. Typically, the underlying motivation is the need for control. Along with micro-management, abuse of rank also manifests as favoritism, “good ol’ boy” networks, tightly controlled circles of influence, and the misuse of reward systems.
When rank is used as a source of fear and manipulation, it eventually will result in people doing only what is necessary to get along and feel safe. Doing anything else is taking unnecessary risk. It certainly will prevent feedback and information from reaching those in charge.
#8 Gossip. Whether this manifests as over-sharing of information or self-importance from being at the social center, gossiping creates drama. In either case, it brings little value to an organization or team and has potentially devastating effects. This includes false accusations and damaging people’s reputations, undermining an organization’s strategies, and broadcasting inaccurate information that can create anxiety and fear. In the end, gossip, rumors, lies, half-truths, and speculation will only serve those who crave significance, attention, or belonging to the in-group.
#9 You owe me. Although mutual benefit and reciprocity are key ingredients to trusting relationships, doing things for one another with strings attached can quickly erode them. As a typical form of negative manipulation, when leaders and people in organizations operate under the premise that everything has a price, resentment is sure to be present. Such resentment manifests as fear and anger and emanates from an imbalanced power in relationships that leaves many with a perceived lack of control. Like selling one’s soul to the devil, those who are indebted may be asked to do something that is not aligned to their values and beliefs.
#10 Over-harmonizing. It would be a disservice on my part to ignore over-harmonizing as this is another common dysfunction. A close kin to “no-tell” and “no-talk” rules that exist in almost any organization or team, over-harmonizing is one dysfunction that can be the cover-up to the first nine in this list. A form of protecting each other, this typically is framed as acting in the “greater good” and to the benefit of one another. The fact is that over-harmonizing allows people to ignore and avoid conflict. Poor performance, a lack of responsibility, unethical acts, unmet results, poor financial results, taboos, and a lack of leadership all can fall under the umbrella of false proclamations that everything is all right and nothing needs to be discussed. Through positive procrastination, people grant permission to one another to go blindly forward, all ignoring the elephant. They wait, hoping it simply will leave. In the meantime, they ignore and feed it as it grows.
Some dysfunctions are readily identifiable and others are more hidden. When a leader fails to confront one, it may re-surface in different forms.
Adapted from “The Elephant in the Boardroom: How Leaders Use and Manage Conflict to Reach Greater Levels of Success” by Edgar Papke (Career Press, 2015).
Edgar Papke is a leadership psychologist and coach, author, and award-winning speaker.
