Trust. An elusive buzzword that’s overused by politicians, marketers, and brands, often rooted in virtue signalling. But let’s not get it twisted; the problem doesn’t lie in one’s use of the word. It lies in one’s inability to walk their talk.
According to the 2024 Edelman Trust Barometer Global Report, 61 percent of respondents worry that business leaders are deliberately misleading people by communicating false or exaggerated information. A lack of congruency is what’s killing leaders and their companies, and it’s why we’re in the thick of a global trust recession. The million-dollar question is this: how do we establish trust with our prospects, partners, customers, and team?
Allow me to introduce you to The Three Cs of Trust: connection, character, and competence. This isn’t a formula, it’s an intuitive set of variables derived from my own lived experience. Let’s get into it!
Connection
Connection is the emotional glue that helps us forge a meaningful bond with another human being. This can be developed through habits that spark intimacy, such as the stories we tell, the questions we ask, how we listen, and the energy we exude. When done correctly, this and more can help us build a strong affinity with another human being.
Character concerns the visible and invisible values that accompany one’s verbal and non-verbal communication, allowing others to consciously and subconsciously discern what we stand for.
And finally, we have competence. This revolves around another person’s perception of your expertise, which can increase or decrease your credibility. Our ability to signal competence without shoving it down somebody’s throat is critical in any conversation, meeting or presentation.
But here’s the conundrum: Being able to connect with a prospect, customer, or team member may get you through the front door, but if your values portray somebody of poor character, the emotional glue that keeps your relationship together will instantly disintegrate.
However, even if your character does stand the test of time and the relationship sees some growth, if you can’t signal competence and deliver your expertise in a way that solves somebody’s problem, the river in that relationship will run dry, and your perceived credibility will plummet.
On the other hand, relying solely on competence may get you what you desire in the short term (for example, turning a prospect into a paying customer), but it can result in a transactional relationship that lacks depth. This leads to an absence of loyalty, and the very moment you’re perceived as a commodity, you become easily disposable. The trifecta of connection, character, and competence is required in tandem for longevity, especially when we’re discussing your ability to sell yourself, an idea, a vision, a product, or a service. Without all three C’s performing in unison, the probability of developing a long-lasting relationship is slim.
How to establish trust
In every conversation, think of it as your job to establish trust and build an authentic relationship with the person opposite you. The question is: how?
One way to do this is by asking conscious questions. When I say conscious, I’m talking about questions that are rooted in positive intentionality. When done correctly, you’ll show your conversation partner that you are interested in what they are emotionally invested in. This is how to embody true empathy. One vehicle to achieving this is my “What-Feel-Who Method”. Let’s break it down.
Imagine this. You’re about to step into your initial 1:1 meeting with Corey, a new recruit on your team. As you want to put your best foot forward, you ask a series of impactful questions during the conversation. “Corey, what are you working on outside of work that’s really important to you right now?” “How do you feel about it?” “Who in your life is this impacting the most?” These three simple, conscious questions (asked separately and intentionally) will unearth what is important to Corey in this season of his personal life, how he feels about it, and who it is impacting. A meaningful conversation ensues, a connection is formed, and you’ve officially established the first “C”. Now, the question is, what do you do with this information?
The key lies in following up your initial series of questions in a way that displays care. This looks like showing him (not just telling him) that you care about what he cares about. When this is done well, you’ll display a character of intention (the second “C”) and become the type of leader others want to follow.
Your series of questions was designed to uncover the What, Feel, and Who. The key lies in asking an Empathetic Question in your next meeting, incorporating the very information you learned prior:
- What is important to them?
- How do they feel about it?
- And who is this impacting
Fast forward two weeks, and there you are, walking into your follow-up meeting with Corey. Instead of leading with an unintentional, “Hey Corey, how are you?”, you try something different. Instead, you say, “Hey Corey, the last time we spoke, you mentioned you were welcoming your first dog, Leila, into your home [WHAT] and that you were feeling stressed [FEEL] because your wife [WHO] was worried about the potential of sleepless nights. How’s your wife feeling two weeks into the journey?
See the difference between this question and a throw-away “How are you?”
Caring about what the person opposite you cares about, using their own language to describe how they feel, and displaying genuine interest in their life are things that are missing when you’re too busy focusing on your own challenges, desires, and agenda.
By asking a question that embodies this framework, you give people the chance to share what’s deeply important to them and to spark intimacy, all while creating a layer of psychological safety in the relationship. This is how you go beyond the surface and build a meaningful relationship that matters.
The outcome? Not only do you connect with your conversation partner and showcase a character of intention, but you signal competence by asking a question that stimulates a meaningful conversation, conveying that you truly listened to the person opposite you. A simple follow-up question that earns trust and shows (not tells) that you’re interested in what somebody is emotionally invested in. Instead of telling people to trust you, start showing them why they should.
