Our country’s loneliness epidemic has been brewing for 75 years. It started with suburban development in the 1950s, continued with the proliferation of the television, was exacerbated by the obfuscation of work-life boundaries, and has grown tenfold with rapid technological advancement.
Loneliness and feelings of isolation have given way to a more serious crisis: a crisis of belonging. Presently, belonging is trending. It’s all the rage with DEI practitioners and HR consultants. It’s hard not to roll your eyes at HR teams’ fervent attempts to ensure “everybody belongs.” The reality is that they’re going about it the wrong way.
Our sense of belonging can’t stem from our jobs. It’s a foundational human need to start in our personal lives. This ensures it stays with us unconditionally, far outlasting any employee contract. In other words, when we have belonging in our personal lives, we have a safety net that no workplace can take away from us.
Not surprisingly, feelings of belonging contribute to our well-being and life purpose. Meanwhile, feelings of not belonging contribute to mental and physical health problems and reduced longevity.
A strong sense of belonging among employees helps create a great work culture. But to attain that level, company leaders and employees should first understand the fundamental need for personal belonging, what it encompasses, how to achieve it, and how to maintain it.
The origins and definitions of belonging
Belonging is at the center of psychologist Abraham H. Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs pyramid, which he introduced in 1943 (and revised in 1963). He defined belonging as the deep need for close relationships and a sense of connection.
In subsequent decades, the definition among social scientists has evolved. After a thorough review of the literature, I can tell you there is no agreement on a modern meaning of the word “belonging” in psychology.
Considering all the research, history, and ideas, this is the definition I’ve
come up with. Belonging is the sense of fit within a social system where an individual feels accepted and essential while experiencing moments that reinforce these feelings.
‘Fueling up’ to find belonging
The solution to belonging starts with each person embarking on their quest to belong authentically.
The “belonging fuel tank” is a handy visual representation I use to measure how much or how little our belonging needs are being met. It holds all the “fuels,” or intentional activities, that we participate in to help us fill our sense of belonging.
I modeled the belonging fuel tank after the social fuel tank developed by psychologist Elaine Paravati and colleagues. Each person has their unique combination of fuels. One study revealed that two-thirds of people had a range of two to 17 activities in their tank, with an average of almost eight.
I have compiled a list of six significant fuels that help people find belonging:
- Interpersonal relationships – Relationships marked by deep bonds and secure attachment.
- Collective experiences – Membership, participation, or affiliation in a collective.
- Casual encounters – Social interactions that give us connection but lack depth.
- Symbolic bonds – Connections to someone else without their presence.
- Esteem-building – Status-seeking activities for approval and/or praise.
- Contemplative practices – Focusing on finding connectedness within, with a higher power, or with the universe.
Here is an exercise one can do to gauge their belonging fuel tank: List the activities you partake in (from watching television to hanging out with your family) that give you a sense of belonging. Then, distribute up to 100 points across these activities based on how much each contributes to your sense of belonging. Finally, convert the points to percentages (1 point = 1 percent) and add them to see how full your tank is. Any space has the potential for finding new paths of belonging.
Following our conclusion that personal belonging should precede professional belonging, learning, and development professionals who want to maximize employee engagement should, somewhat counterintuitively, help their workforce find belonging outside of work.
This will help employees fill their tanks and make room for a less distracted workforce.
Professional belonging: How to create it on your teams
A growing body of research suggests that belonging in organizations and teams has positive outcomes. Now that we’ve established that belonging at work is secondary to belonging in “life,” let’s see how belonging can positively influence workplace culture.
First, however, I want to emphasize that belonging programs do not belong with DEI initiatives. Belonging is a feature of a great corporate culture, while DEI is a mandate of a smart corporate strategy.
A “culture of belonging” refers to an organizational environment where employees feel deeply connected to their company or team. In such a culture, employees can show up authentically, are recognized for their contributions, and clearly see how they fit into the larger picture.
Here is the critical path to developing such a culture:
- Hospitality. Belonging starts with hospitality. This can be achieved through a warm environment, a comfortable setting, and sincere greetings, especially from leaders. This sets the tone for the team’s culture. The idea that hospitality is a pleasure—that it feels great to treat teammates with warmth, care, and kindness—needs to be ingrained into the culture.
- Safety. Establishing a psychologically safe environment guarantees that all team members can freely express themselves without worrying about criticism or negative consequences. It fosters trust and encourages mutual respect.
- Engagement. Once team members feel safe, they start to collaborate, engage actively, and openly share their ideas. They actively listen and eagerly participate because their fears of rejection have been alleviated.
- Commitment. Engagement that fulfills individuals both personally and professionally leads to increased commitment on the team. Members begin to prioritize each other and the team itself. Employee retention increases.
- Finally, a feeling of belonging emerges as everyone recognizes and appreciates each other’s contributions and sees each other’s dedication. No one’s fit is questioned, the team is in harmony, and workplace satisfaction rises.
When employees rely too much on their employer to fill their sense of workplace belonging, leaders risk creating a dependency culture. When done thoughtfully, however, workers thrive because they can show up authentically in a place that values them. Just keep in mind that everyone does not belong everywhere. It’s OK to evaluate organizational membership to ensure fit critically.
Each of us has an innate desire to find belonging. Our belonging environment, whether at work or outside of it, needs to be regularly reevaluated to ensure we’re thriving to our fullest potential.
