Have you noticed how your past follows you wherever you go? No matter how far away you move, somehow you run into someone or something that reminds you of the very person or situation you were trying to escape.
I don’t know your particular story, but one thing I do know: We live in a broken world. If you are reading this, I know that you, too, have experienced emotional pain. How we respond to the deep hurts that happen to us is the difference between remaining emotionally paralyzed and living a life of freedom and victory—the life you were meant to live.
I’ll give you a peek into my own journey and introduce you to 5 Simple Steps that allowed me to go from barely surviving to living the full and abundant life I enjoy today. Keep in mind, these steps are simple, but they are not necessarily easy.
When I was only 14 years old, a tractor accident took the life of my precious, kumbaya-singing 2-year-old brother. I was the one driving the tractor.
Needless to say, a huge load of guilt fell on me that day. I had not only crushed my brother, I had crushed my parents, my siblings, my friends, my extended family, and, I thought, my own future. How could I go from facing the darkest day of my life—barely able to breathe because of the horror and grief—to living again, even thriving some day? Was it even possible?
Growing up as an ordinary farm girl struggling to find my identity, I often wondered how courageous I really was down deep inside. Eventually, a newborn courage grew within me. My faith took on new strength as I moved through every day—some days running, other days crawling. I persevered.
STEP 1: Realize you have a choice.
The morning after the accident, my Dad came to my bedroom door and said in his deep baritone voice, “You’ve got to get up. We have to keep going.”
Everything inside me screamed, “Why? Why should I get up?” Staying in bed was simply much easier than facing the day before me. But I knew that rolling over and burying my tear-stained face in my pillow really wasn’t an option. Somehow, deep within me, I had to find the courage to crawl out of bed. And I did.
That was my first step.
STEP 2: Name the emotion.
Remember how I said it doesn’t matter how far away you go, you still run into people or situations that emotionally bring you back to your past? I experienced this firsthand.
I would drive into town and see a little blonde child walking down the sidewalk with an older sister. The overwhelming pain would come rushing back into my broken heart.
What could I do?
Here is what I found to be most helpful: When I could recognize and actually name the negative emotion I was feeling, I found that some of its power seemed to loosen its grip on me.
STEP 3: Take 100% of the responsibility that is yours.
There is only one thing is worse than being in denial, and that is not knowing you are in denial.
As I grew up and took on bigger responsibilities, one thing became clear: If I was going to recover completely from this tragedy in my life and go on to fully live the life I was meant to live, I had to take 100% of the responsibility that was mine to take.
I knew that no one else but me was responsible for the tragic accident that killed my brother. For a time, I lived in constant guilt, blaming myself for little Billy’s death. But a huge breakthrough came when I fully acknowledged my part in the entire matter.
STEP 4: Forgive yourself.
This isn’t easy, is it? Seems like no matter where we have been or what we have done, this step seems 90 stories high. How in the world will we ever scale the heights of this one?
But this step is key—this is where the other steps have led. Forgiving others and forgiving yourself is essential if you hope to live in the freedom you deserve. They allow us to simply let go.
Self-forgiveness is what allows us to let go of our offense, of the emotional pain that accuses us, holds us back, and threatens to undo us. Forgiving ourselves frees us to “let go” emotionally of the part of ourselves that is to blame, freeing us to start again on a path in life that leads to enjoying life to the fullest.
Self-forgiveness is the KEY to letting go of the past that won’t let go of you.
STEP 5: Embrace the journey.
Breakthrough happens the moment we make a choice and take action. This is not a once-and-for-all type of thing. It’s the beginning of a transformational journey.
Forgiveness is often a process. Sometimes we may say the words, forgiving on an intellectual level, and this may be the best we know at the moment. But don’t be surprised if true forgiveness takes some time to grow. The more you experience emotional healing, the sooner you will be able to forgive from a deeper place and rebuild the relationships.
For me, once the deeper healing had taken place, I could embrace life from a new perspective. I began to wake up each day with new passion, new dreams, new relationships, and new energy.
When I feel the pain, I am reminded that there is a God much bigger than me who cares enough about me personally to carry me and bring me to complete healing. It also means that if He could help me break through the pain that nearly crushed me, He can help me break through anything. I hope this is just the beginning of your transformational journey.
Remember, Your Story Matters!
I’m happy to offer the Training audience a 5-day Challenge called “Create a Transformational Story” beginning February 1, 2021 ($197 value). It’s fun. It’s FREE. It’s rewarding. Just go to http://wealththroughstories.com/create to sign up.
Excerpt from “Transform Your Story: Letting Go of the Past When It Won’t Let Go of You” by Linda A. Olson (June 2020). For more information, visit: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B089MDT6SF/ref=cm_sw_em_r_mt_dp_U_izP.Eb9AKR6S6
