One of the most common challenges facing managers is dealing with employee attitude problems, typically evidenced when employees roll their eyes, sigh, or use antagonistic body language. Trying to stop such “silent” behavior is difficult because employees can so easily deny it. Frequently, managers tend to avoid confronting employees who “cop a ’tude” because the path of least resistance is avoidance and because the whole matter seems so slippery. After all, as a manager, you don’t want to come across as touchy or overly sensitive. Still, feelings of resentment may linger, and pent-up emotions can result in a public shouting match when some proverbial last straw is broken. By then the situation is out of control.
Two Points to Keep in Mind
There are two key points to keep in mind when attempting to eradicate this all too common workplace problem. First, tell people in private how you perceive their actions and how they make you feel. Be specific and paint a picture with words so they clearly understand the behaviors in question. Ask for her help in solving the perception problem that exists, and make a mutual commitment to hear that person’s side of the story and improve the situation.
Second, avoid the term, attitude, in your discussion and replace it with words such as behavior and conduct, which are much more neutral and objective. The word, attitude, is subjective and inflammatory and typically escalates disagreement by fostering feelings of resentment and anger. More important, courts have interpreted attitude problems as being mere differences of opinion or personality conflicts. It is, therefore, critical that you avoid that specific term in any of your conversations or disciplinary documentation. When attempting to fix a communication problem that exists with one of your staff members, approach the matter by painting a picture with words like this:
“Lisa, I need your help. You know they say that perception is reality until proven otherwise. I often feel like you’re either angry with me or angry with the rest of the team. I may be off in my assumption, but that’s an honest assessment of the impression you sometimes give off. I don’t know if anything’s bothering you or if you feel that I can be more supportive of you in any way, but please let me know if that’s the case. Otherwise, though, please understand that you make me feel embarrassed in front of other members of the staff when you roll your eyes upward, sigh, and then say, “Okay, I’ll get it done!” with a harrumph. Your body language is also confrontational when you cock your head back and place your hands on your hips. I’m not sure if you’re aware you’re doing any of these things or if you do them purposely to place others on the offensive, but either way, it makes it difficult at times to partner with you. And everyone on the team is responsible for creating a friendly and inclusive workplace, you and me included. Do you feel it’s inappropriate for me to ask you to complete your work on time? Should I have to follow up with you regarding project completion deadlines, or should it be your responsibility to keep me abreast of the status of your projects? Even more significantly, how would you feel if you were the supervisor and one of your staff members responded that way to you in front of others?
Likewise, how would it make you feel if I responded to your questions with that tone in my voice or that body language? Wouldn’t you feel that I was disrespectful or condescending toward you, especially if I did it in front of the rest of the team?
Is it reasonable that I ask for a commitment from you to avoid any perception of condescension in your responses or tone of voice, “being bothered” to do something, or responding aggressively to others’ questions? Even more important, will you make a commitment to me now that you’ll assume partial responsibility for this perception problem that exists so we will never have to discuss it again?”
Notice the highlights in the paragraph above: “You make me feel . . .” and “How would you feel if . . .” are common phrases that invoke feelings of introspection in others and help them assume partial responsibility for things gone wrong. Feelings aren’t right
or wrong—they just are. When combining such phrases with an opening statement such as “There’s a difference in perception here,” employees are usually more willing to hear your side of the story objectively. After all, there are two sides to every story, and employees typically won’t deny that they’re partially responsible for the problem if it’s presented in the right way. What they often want, however, is to be heard and to gain your attention as their manager. Therefore, seize this opportunity to fix the problem verbally by declaring a truce and listening with an objective ear. End your conversation by requesting a commitment that you’ll never have to address the matter again.
Takeaway
What’s critical is that you don’t allow this type of conduct to continue after your initial conversation takes place. This is not the type of conversation that needs to happen more than once. Don’t expect less from your employees than you expect from yourself. If the matter continues to escalate, your response should be in writing in the form of a progressive disciplinary warning. Because it’s conduct related, you have the discretion to skip the first step in your company’s progressive discipline program (the documented verbal warning) and escalate directly to a written (second level) warning. Why? First, because you have more discretion to escalate disciplinary matters when inappropriate workplace conduct is at hand. Second, because you’ve already had a detailed conversation about this, which can count as your initial verbal warning. Just be sure to document the date and time of the original conversation in the written warning to make the clearest record possible.
