I know a person professionally who doesn’t say thank you—ever. Or, I should say, she has never said thank you to me, and I have never heard her say thank you to anyone else. I realize it’s possible she says thank you to other people when I’m not around.
It’s a strange tendency to me because I get satisfaction out of saying thank you. I’m appreciative of kindness, thoughtfulness, and good, conscientious work—and I’m usually eager to share my thankfulness with the other person.
Some People Need to Learn How to Verbalize “Thank You”
I’m learning that not everyone has a love of saying thank you. I think that this might be because saying thank you makes some people feel vulnerable and at a disadvantage. In admitting that you’re grateful for another person’s actions, you’re also admitting you need them, or at least that you are not so self-sufficient that you didn’t benefit from their contribution.
Since, like imagination and creativity—two other qualities that don’t come naturally to everyone—saying thank you isn’t a natural reflex for everyone, training on it may be necessary.
I found a post on Brigham Young University’s (BYU) Human Resources Development Website with tips for saying thank you effectively.
- Be specific.
In my own life, being specific means thanking a person I’m writing an article with for providing me with exactly the highly detailed information I need. It also could mean turning around work for my publication consistently on time and as promised.
In the saying-thank-you training session, learners could think of specific things in their life that help them, and then they draft thank you notes to the people who did those things for them, showing their ability to think specifically about how the other person helped them.
- Don’t wait too long to say thank you.
The BYU post also points out how important it is to be timely. Even if learners dread saying thank you, they should understand that the thank you loses its oomph if it’s given weeks or months later. One nuance to this rule is in holiday-season gifting. In addition to saying thank you close to the time of the deed you are grateful for, it’s nice to reiterate the thank you when giving holiday gifts and bonuses at the end of the year.
- Money is no substitute for a verbalized thank you.
The post also notes that while a simple, verbal thank you is effective, you can find other ways to say thank you, such as through gifts and bonuses. I would caution, however, that nothing replaces a verbalized thank you. On TV show Mad Men, the character, Peggy, says to her boss, Don Draper, “You never say thank you,” and he says “That’s what the money is for.” I think most people watching this scene found that statement disrespectful and insensitive. The money is essential and appreciated, but it doesn’t replace the verbalized “thank you.”
Interestingly, the person I know professionally who never says thank you has shared with me that she gives generous gifts to her employees. She is materially generous, but maybe not emotionally generous in how she expresses herself. I don’t like it, but maybe her employees don’t care. What do you think?
- Learn to say thank you for the small things.
Learners in the saying-thank-you class should understand they don’t have to wait for a cataclysmic event to say thank you. It’s useful to thank people for small kindnesses, such as a colleague pitching in for you when you had a few days away from the office for business travel, or for caring enough to listen when you had a bad day and needed to vent. Kindness is not so common that it doesn’t warrant a thank you. I make it a habit to thank people for their kindness when they helped me but didn’t have to.
- Connect thank yous to the bigger picture.
Lastly, the BYU post notes the importance of connecting the thank you for things that may be small to the bigger picture. In a session to learn how to say thank you, it’s important to help learners recognize the bigger picture of their day-to-day work, and how the contributions of others help them reach the goals of that bigger picture.
The importance of saying thank you should never be taken for granted, and it should never be taken for granted that everyone knows how to do it!
Do you think employees and managers need to learn how to verbalize thank you? How would you train a person to meaningfully express their thanks to others in words?