- Have you experienced terrible service at a restaurant and talked about it for days even when your opinion was not solicited?
- Have you come out of a fight with a loved one feeling angry, not necessarily remembering what was said but definitely having a vivid memory of how you felt at the end of the argument?
- How did you feel when you did a fabulous job at work, but it wasn’t acknowledged? Doesn’t the after taste linger for days and you wonder if you even belong in such an insensitive environment?
- Finally, have you used social media (Twitter, Facebook) to write a post on how you were mistreated by a service provider?
People don’t remember what you say, but they do remember how you made them feel. I don’t know who articulated this thought, but I do know that most of us subscribe to it.
Research has proven that “sadness” is an emotion that tends to last the longest as we associate it with important events in our lives. Sadness often is bundled with “rumination,” where we keep thinking about why something occurred, and this further intensifies our sadness. Hence, when something goes wrong with us, we feel angry at the doer and sorry for ourselves. The thought continues to nag us until we have shared it with people around us.
Let’s look at the relationship between emotions and customer service. Emotions associated with positive customer experience are:
- Delight
- Surprise
- Being touched
- Feeling positive after the interaction
Emotions associated with service failure are:
Disappointment
Anger
Frustration
Anxiety
Stress
Negative emotions usually tend to last longer. Hence, they have a deeper impact and have a higher recall value than positive emotions.
Some ways in which we can ensure that the feeling of sadness or any other negative emotion is mitigated in our professional and personal lives include:
Listen well: The word, “listen,” is made up of the same letters as the word “silent.” Often, the only request that a person who is high on emotions has is for someone to listen. Undivided attention, coupled with 100percent eye contact and occasional verbal nods, can work wonders. Practice this during a conversation with a customer and the results will be positive.
Empathize and acknowledge: Daniel Goleman, author of “Emotional Intelligence,” says, all humans are born empathetic. He calls this feeling “attunement” in his book. As we grow older, circumstances, environment, and experiences change us, and we end up losing touch with this most natural emotion that we are born with. Try going back in time to infancy and tune in to the feelings of the other. Feel the pain and the hurt of your customer. You will emerge a more understanding and selfless person.
Communication: Be judicious in your choice of words and tone. They have the power to trigger the amygdala (emotional brain), which may lead to actions and speech that could make you feel remorseful later. Make a list of spiteful words and adjacent to that, a list of words that could be used as alternatives but are not unpleasant. The objective is to not dilute the meaning but to avoid hurting others. Have a conversation in a slow, neutral tone when angry. Regulate your pace to enunciate every word clearly. Slowing down consciously will help keep the anger you feel at bay.
Be genuine: Last but not least, be yourself. No business school, training, or script can fully prepare you for every situation in life. If you can be real and true to the job you do and people you interact with, the rest of the things will take care of themselves.
Finally, in the words of Jack Nicholson from the movie, The Departed: “I don’t want to be a product of the environment. I want the environment to be a product of me.” You are in charge of spreading the emotion you want to spread among others. Take the lead and make a difference.
Vidhi Trehan has more than 15 years of experience in behavioral and leadership training. She is active on social media. Her articles and book reviews can be found on LinkedIn and Twitter.
