Some conflicts are hot—simmering with hurt feelings, gnawing suspicion, and verbal sparring. But most workplace conflict is cold. Resentments are clutched close to the vest, disagreements are quietly acted out rather than talked out, and mistrust is passed in whispers to third parties rather than confronted face to face.
According to research my colleagues and I conducted, 95 percent of an organization’s workforce struggles to hold colleagues and managers accountable for breaking promises and violating expectations. They engage in resource-sapping avoidance tactics, including ruminating excessively about crucial issues, complaining, getting angry, doing unnecessary work, and avoiding the other person altogether. As a result, employees waste an average of $1,500 and an eight-hour workday every time they avoid holding colleagues accountable. These costs skyrocket when multiplied by the prevalence of conflict avoidance in the workplace.
Meet an Unaccountable
According to our study, the three most common unaccountable employees focus only on the tasks they like to do, don’t take responsibility, or are passive aggressive. Three out of four unaccountable employees have demonstrated their bad behaviors for a year or more, and 76 percent create severe problems for customers, co-workers, and the organization.
Costly Coping
The most common coping strategies employees use to deal with their unaccountable co-workers are venting to others, staying away from them, and avoiding working on projects with them. Unfortunately, these common coping strategies are ineffective in resolving accountability issues and actually perpetuate the problem.
We found that the reason employees fail to hold their co-workers accountable for bad behavior isn’t motivation or a lack of integrity. Employees want to change the situation. What they lack is a script. They need skills for holding these accountability conversations.
Successful Solutions
The good news is that speaking up and resolving conflict is a skill set anyone can learn and master. We’ve spent the last 30 years identifying the high-leverage behaviors demonstrated by the most skilled communicators. These people know how to speak up in way that is 100 percent honest and 100 percent respectful. As a result, they resolve accountability concerns and solve problems without damaging their relationships.
As training professionals, we need to teach employees—not just supervisors and managers—how to speak up quickly and effectively when they have concerns with their colleagues. Here are five tips to get started.
- Confront the right problem. The biggest mistake people make is to confront the most painful or immediate issue and not the one that gets them the results they really need. Before speaking up, stop and ask yourself, “What do I really want here? What problem do I want to resolve?”
- Rein in emotions. We often tell ourselves a story about others’ real intent. These stories determine our emotional response. Master communicators manage their emotions by examining, questioning, and rewriting their story before speaking.
- Master the first 30 seconds. Most people do everything wrong in the first “hazardous half-minute”—like diving into the content and attacking the other person. Instead, show you care about the other person and his or her interests to disarm defensiveness and open up dialogue.
- Reveal natural consequences. The best way to get someone’s attention is to change their perspective. In a safe and non-threatening manner, give them a complete view of the consequences their behavior is creating.
- Involve them in the solution. Ask them for their ideas, and take their concerns seriously. People are far more likely to act when they’ve had a role in developing the action plan.
Currently, only 6 percent of employees say they’ve seen an unaccountable change his or her ways. The key to changing this number is to build skills to hold accountability conversations at the peer-to-peer level. And we’re the ones who can make this happen.
David Maxfield is a three-time New York Times bestselling author, keynote speaker, and social scientist for business performance. He is also the vice president of research at VitalSmarts, an innovator in corporate training and leadership development. His work has been translated into 28 languages, is available in 36 countries, and has generated results for 300 of the Fortune 500. For more information, visit www.vitalsmarts.com
