For many, empathy is what I’ll call a touchy-mushy word. It’s all about feelings, isn’t it?—being sympathetic and compassionate. Does that really have any place in the hard-nosed world of business? I recently saw a cartoon showing two businessmen walking side by side, and the one says to the other, “Empathy? Yeah, I can see how that could be useful.” Without wishing to stereotype, I wonder what impact the introduction of a woman might have had in that depressing conversation.
One of the problems with empathy is that it often is confused with being “soft”—overly sympathetic and compassionate, even sentimental. It can be associated with tolerating bad performance or bad behavior, which probably has more to do with avoiding conflict than being empathetic.
Let me distinguish between empathy and sympathy. Empathy is simply the ability to comprehend and be respectful of the inner state/experience of others; it doesn’t mean agreeing with the other person’s perceived experience or condoning the actions they take based on their interpretations. It also is not just limited to understanding another’s feelings; empathy includes an ability to identify and articulate another’s world view, ideas, expectations, wants, needs, and actions. A key word in the above sentence is understanding as in comprehending.
We cannot literally step into someone else’s mind (although I’m sure there is a secret plan somewhere to make that happen). What we can do is to imagine feeling our way into someone’s world—their way of seeing, thinking, and doing. The term, “empathy,” was introduced into the English language by a German psychologist, Ed Titchener in 1909. It is a translation of the German term, “Einfühlung (“feeling into”). So, I suppose, it is all about feelings!
So, what about sympathy? Sympathy is about feeling sorry for someone going through a difficult time. Understanding and feeling sorry for are two different responses.
Give Empathy a Bigger Stage
We probably don’t highlight empathy enough in our training sessions, although it’s likely to figure in emotional intelligence programs. I would argue that empathy deserves to be on a bigger stage. Think of what we want others to learn in our business training programs for borderless working (or any other kind of working), and how key empathetic understanding is: managing people remotely, global leadership, managing across cultures, virtual teamwork, collaboration, working in a matrix . . . and so on. To do any of these things well requires an ability to “put oneself into another’s shoes.” This is also true for the functional activities necessary for business success: sales, marketing, product development, operations, and learning and development.
Great communicators are empathic because they try to see the world through the eyes of their audience. By doing so they show respect and caring for their audience, and when people feel respect and caring, they respond. There is an old saying, “I don’t care about what you know until I know that you care.” For “care,” read understand. People without empathy can only see others through their own eyes; their own view of the world is projected onto others. If I play mind games and manipulate others to get what I want, then, of course, so does everyone else.
The dark side of empathy is that we can misread someone else, and act inappropriately on that misreading. This can happen all too often when we are working across cultures. Most misreading occurs when we try to rush our understanding. In cross-cultural situations, this usually results in our applying a stereotype. A stereotype gives us a quick explanation, but very little insight into another human being. What I like about the expression “feeling into” is that it suggests that empathy is a process of discovery rather than an instant blinding flash of insight. Being empathetic entails the slow burn of deep listening and attentiveness. In our globally interconnected world, we need to extend the reach of our empathetic capabilities.
I’ve worked with many non-empathetic managers, and unfortunately they are not only blind to others, but also to themselves. They have very little self-awareness or understanding of how their behavior affects others. Fortunately neuroscientists tell us we can retrain ourselves by taking advantage of our brain’s neuroplasticity.
Developing Empathy
What can we do to help ourselves and others develop empathy?
- Challenge ourselves to have a conversation every day with a stranger—ideally someone with a different background.
- Ask ourselves and others probing questions: “Why did I/you approach the problem in that particular way?”
- Develop mindfulness so that we are more attuned to what is happening in the moment.
- Open up to others so they open up to us and we can see them more clearly (fight the fear of vulnerability).
- Develop emotional self-awareness. I have heard of mood apps that will ping you randomly during the day so you can record and reflect on your emotions.
- Take an acting class to help get into the heads of different characters.
- Buy a set of IDEO method cards. IDEO is a design company that conceived of a deck of cards to be used by researchers, designers, and engineers on their teams. They help team members evaluate and select the empathic research methods to best inform specific design challenges.
It would be great to hear your thoughts; please contact me at tbrake@tmaworld.com.
Terence Brake is the head of Learning & Innovation, TMA World (http://www.tmaworld.com/training-solutions/), which provides blended learning solutions for developing talent with borderless working capabilities. Brake specializes in the globalization process and organizational design, cross-cultural management, global leadership, transnational teamwork, and the borderless workplace. He has designed, developed, and delivered training programmes for numerous Fortune 500 clients in the United States, Europe, and Asia. Brake is the author of six books on international management, including “Where in the World Is My Team?” (Wiley, 2009) and e-book “The Borderless Workplace.”
