For most of my life, I wore a mask so tightly it was like a second skin—one I couldn’t remove, no matter how hard I tried. From the outside, it looked like I had it all: global leader in talent development, awards and accolades, published books and articles, and a flourishing life traveling the world. Beneath that mask, however, I carried the pain of childhood abuse, the trauma of a near-fatal fire, and emotional scars from my upbringing. Like many others, I kept these struggles hidden, fearing vulnerability would make me seem weak.
Many of us wear masks of competence, confidence, and control. On the surface, everything appears polished. But behind the mask, we hide pain, fears, and unresolved struggles. These masks, though protective, isolate us and prevent us from living authentically.
According to research by Dr. Pauline Clance and Dr. Suzanne Imes, up to 70 percent of people experience imposter syndrome, leading to self-doubt and anxiety. A study by Kajabi found that 82 percent of professionals worry others will discover they aren’t as competent as they seem. These statistics highlight how widespread feelings of inadequacy are in personal and professional environments.
I wore my mask for decades, believing it protected me. Yet, after six decades, I finally removed it. I hope my story encourages others to remove theirs sooner. Real connection happens when we allow others to see us—all of us. Vulnerability, I’ve learned, is a strength. The power to grow, heal, and build meaningful relationships comes through it.
This lesson applies to organizational culture as well. When leaders and teams remove their masks, they open the door to deeper collaboration, trust, and transformation. Openness leads to higher employee engagement, creativity, and innovation.
I vividly remember when Booz Allen Hamilton achieved a top spot on the Training Top 125 list. It was a proud moment for my team. Internally, though, I didn’t feel deserving. I thought, Am I fooling everyone? Despite my hard work, I felt like an imposter, fearing that if anyone saw the real me, they would see through the facade.
The mask I wore wasn’t just a product of internal fears. It was perpetuated by three powerful forces—my abuser, society, and myself.
In my case, the abuse I endured as a child planted the seeds of self-doubt. My father told me countless times, “You’re useless; you’ll never amount to anything.” Those words echoed in my mind. No matter my success, I never felt like I deserved it.
Society teaches that vulnerability is weakness, and only those who project strength and control are worthy of admiration. This belief kept my mask firmly in place, compelling me to live up to an image that wasn’t truly mine.
Finally, the most insidious force comes from within. We become complicit in our own suffering by continuing to wear the mask. I kept mine on for decades out of fear—fear of rejection, judgment, and the possibility of being seen as less than the success story people thought I was. By keeping the mask on, I unknowingly perpetuated the very forces that shaped my early life.
The Power of Removing the Mask
When I began to remove my mask and share my story, I discovered something profound: I wasn’t alone. Many people around me—from colleagues to friends—were carrying hidden struggles, wearing their own masks. We all face challenges but often fear sharing them.
Here’s what I’ve learned: real connection and growth happen when we allow others to see us fully. By sharing my struggles, I liberated myself and created space for others to do the same. In that authenticity lies the power to grow, heal, and build meaningful relationships—personally and professionally. This extends to organizational culture, where openness can lead to higher engagement and innovation.
Five Principles for Resilience
Through my experiences, I developed five guiding principles that helped me transform adversity into strength. They are not just ideas—they are tools for turning adversity into growth, both for individuals and organizations:
- Grow Through What You Go Through
- Value the Support of Others
- Pursue Lifelong Learning and Adaptability
- Cultivate Meaningful Relationships
- Stay Purposeful and Relevant
These principles have had tangible effects on my life and career, for the professionals I’ve coached in more than 70 countries and the organizations I’ve worked with over the past 45 years.
An Invitation to Growth
At Training 2025, I will share more about my journey and how these five principles can be applied to your personal, professional, and organizational lives in my session “Igniting Resilience: From Adversity to Global Leadership.“ Join me on Wednesday, February 19, 2025, at 8:30 a.m. as we explore how removing the mask and embracing these principles can transform your life, leadership, and organization.
In this session, I’ll share my personal and professional journey, offer practical advice, and lead reflective exercises to help you apply these guiding principles. Whether facing adversity or seeking personal and professional growth, this session will empower you to ignite resilience and turn challenges into opportunities. We all face adversity. By embracing resilience and supporting each other, we can move forward at every level with strength, purpose, and authenticity.
