The manager who needs to have a delicate conversation with an employee—but is not inherently sensitive or empathetic—is a common story. Many of us sensitive types have felt abraded over the years by such conversations.
In the old days, a manager who had trouble showing empathy in conversations with employees might have been given guidance by an executive or a more experienced lateral employee. Often these conversations were fruitless because the advice given in the abstract did not replicate the real-world situation of a vulnerable employee standing before them waiting to hear what they have to say.
The Role Advanced Technology Can Play in Empathy Training
In our high-tech 2025 world, however, all that has changed. We have advanced virtual reality (VR) technology that can replicate in a more realistic way than ever before the common real-life experience of an employee with a sensitive issue (such as a hard worker who is still underperforming) with whom the manager must speak.
On Phys.Org, Isabel Sacks of Stanford University details a recent study on use of VR to train managers to have difficult conversations with employees. “Participants in the study, which included university students, staff, and faculty, embodied a manager in VR and engaged in a performance review with a simulated, pre-recorded employee. They were prompted to give critical feedback to the avatar employee as their voice and body movements were recorded,” Sacks writes.
The participants in the study were asked to have the conversation twice in a row and had to switch places so that one time in the exercise they would be the manager and then they would see what it’s like to be the employee in the same conversation.
“The study found that using VR to practice and repeat the conversation increased the participant’s expression of understanding for the employee’s situation and the expression of emotions. Their language style changed over the course of the intervention, using more first-person pronouns, ‘I’ and ‘we,’ and words that express emotion. The researchers said this suggests VR is a promising way to give large numbers of employees an authentic learning experience that helps them develop these essential skills,” Sacks reports.
Tackling the Tough Conversations
Sometimes difficult conversations are not the ones that first come to mind, or they come to mind with a twist. It’s not unusual to have a conversation about underperformance with an employee, but think about the many twists on underperformance that exist.
For example, here’s one I’ve experienced: The employee who does a great job, but management has changed and, therefore, the workflow and the pace of the work has changed. How does a new manager talk to an employee, who has always been acknowledged as a high performer, about how their work style is going to need to change? The employee has a record of delivering good work, but on a different schedule; the new workflow will require a much faster pace that may not suit their personality.
My own approach might be to acknowledge the employee’s different work style, rather than assuming the employee’s work style and mentality are naturally the same as my own: “Carole, I wanted to thank you for all your good work. I know what a heavy load you carry for our team. As you may have noticed, I’ve instituted some immediate changes in how we do things. I know our work styles are different, so I wanted to get feedback from you on how you’re finding those changes, including any challenges you’re having or anticipate having with this new way of doing things.”
Some employees will still be too insecure to give honest feedback as in, “I’m feeling overwhelmed. I’m not sure it’s going to work for me,” but the manager may still be able to get a sense of how the new workflow is being received. The employee may hedge, demonstrating a hesitancy to respond clearly and confidently, and the manager may notice by their facial expression that they’re concerned.
A Well-Trained Manager Knows How to Read Employee Reaction
VR-assisted training could teach a manager how best to handle a touchy juncture like this in the conversation. Instead of pushing the employee further into uncomfortable territory, a well-trained manager then could say: “Let’s schedule a weekly meeting in which we can go over all the tasks on your plate and strategize together how best to tackle them. There may be some tasks that can streamlined, and we also may be able to delegate some things to a more junior employee.”
In your organization, how do you train managers to have challenging conversations? Do you use VR technology or artificial intelligence, or any other advanced technology, to help you do this?