Traditionally we think of working the room as the act of circulating among people at a large gathering. In the context of meetings, it makes sense to look at working the room in a more focused way. Consider working the room to cover all of the conversations before and after a meeting that allow you to meet or reconnect with people.
This is not a skill set reserved for politicians or CEOs. It’s a skill anyone will benefit from. The more people you know, the more access you have. The deeper each relationship goes, the easier it is to work together. Here’s how to work the room in meetings:
- Take the initiative. It begins with intention. Once you decide to focus on connecting with people, you’ll find it starts to come naturally.
- Arrive early and stay late. Introduce yourself to anyone you don’t already know. If you know everyone, catch up with people you haven’t seen for a while. Ask about their projects, their trips, their outside interests, their favorite sports teams, their families. Then listen with your full attention until they finish. After the meeting, hang around and ask a follow-up question on a topic that interested you in the meeting. Look for opportunities to walk to and from meetings with colleagues.
- Greet people as they arrive. Don’t worry about having a conversation with everyone, but do quickly connect—even if it is just saying their names and nodding at them across the table. In particular, look for new faces and include them. We all can remember being the new kid on the block and either how good it felt to be acknowledged or how diminishing it felt to be ignored.
- Ask people to share about things that matter to them. This is the key piece in building a connection. Talking about the weather or sports won’t do it. Listen for their interests, projects, and passions. You can show interest in a person without crossing personal boundaries. You don’t have to probe into their personal lives. Ask about their projects or any other recent experience that fits. Be sure to listen fully. Ask follow-up questions that are of interest to you. Move beyond small talk to a conversation that allows you to know someone a little better.
- Be interested. Keep your focus on the other person and what he or she shares. Don’t worry about being interesting. Resist the temptation to turn the conversation to yourself. You must share to make this a partnership, but err on the side of listening rather than speaking. When you do this, you’ll often find that people will reciprocate and want to get to know you, as well.
- Use people’s names. Ask if you don’t remember. Confident people acknowledge when they’ve forgotten: “I’m sorry, I don’t remember your name.” During the meeting, credit people by name for introducing new ideas or triggering your thinking. Refer to their earlier comments when appropriate.
- Make notes on people you meet and what you discuss. This serves you in two ways: You will remember more, and the notes can serve to refresh your memory before future meetings. Focus on people you don’t know well. Listen for what you can learn about them. What are they working on? What are they facing or dealing with? What are they excited about? You’ll be surprised how much you learn when you are listening for it.
At this point, you’re ready to spend more time connecting with people, but you may not be sure how to proceed. These are the most typical questions that executive coaches encounter about creating relationships:
- When do I find the time? Well, luckily, the gift you offer when you ask people how their kids did in the weekend soccer games takes only a few minutes. If you listen flat-out for three or four minutes, the conversation will have greater impact than this small investment of time suggests. Ask a question about something in which you are interested, then listen. You have time.
- How do I get comfortable meeting people? If you’re not already comfortable meeting people and engaging in conversation, you’re not alone. But comfort is not a pre-requisite. You can master working the room, and if you work in a large organization and want to be a solid contributor, it’s required! With practice, your confidence will increase, and so will your comfort level.
- How can I do this authentically? Different or uncomfortable are not the same as wrong or artificial. If your intention is to find a way to get into an interesting conversation with people, it is authentic—perhaps not comfortable, but it’s authentic.
- What do I say when people ask me questions? Being able to talk on demand is a critical skill. When you are invited into a conversation, learn to respond in a way that is meaningful. When someone asks, “How was your weekend?” respond with, “It was great. We did x, y, and z.” Don’t take 20 minutes, but do take a minute or two and share what you did or what you most enjoyed. Then reciprocate, saying, “Thanks for asking. I’d like to hear about your weekend.”
Whatever the topic, good conversation is like a dance. You lead with some personal remarks, and the other person follows because you’ve led the way. The idea here is to be genuine and friendly, not brilliant and captivating.
Do I have to be friends with everyone? We all have different definitions of what it means to be friends. I certainly don’t mean to trivialize the notion of friendship. But here’s my question: If you are going to spend time together, why not interact in a way that builds connection and relationship? Even if you will never see each other again, isn’t there value in conversing in a way that builds connection?
Is it OK to keep work and personal life separate? It is fine to keep work and personal domains separate. Asking people about the past weekend or their plans for the upcoming weekend is common practice, but if people deflect your invitation to speak about it, don’t push. Instead, ask about their projects and their work.
Ed Sullivan had a variety show on television in the ’60s. A guest on one show set a series of plates spinning on poles. He started with one plate, got it spinning, then added another, then another. He eventually went back to the first plates and gave them another spin. As long as he could give some attention to each plate, he could keep them all spinning. If he couldn’t get back to a plate in time, it would begin to slow, then wobble, and then fall.
Relationships are like this. If you don’t check in with people now and then, the sense of connection fades. Even relationships with people you know well or whom you have a profound connection need attention to keep them spinning.
Excerpt from “Meetings Matter: 8 Powerful Strategies for Remarkable Conversations” by Paul Axtell (2015). For more information, visit http://paulaxtell.com/books/meetings-matter.
Paul Axtell has more than 35 years of experience as a personal effectiveness consultant and corporate trainer. He has spent the last 15 years designing and leading programs that enhance individual and group performance within large organizations. He has a wide variety of clients, from Fortune 500 companies and universities to nonprofit organizations and government agencies.
