Guess what? You’re not your worst performance evaluation or feedback. Not even close! Or your behavior on your horrible, no good, very bad, worst-ever day. Isn’t this great news?
But how do you move past that one attendee’s evaluation where they explained, in less than ideal terms, just how their life was completely torn asunder for having sat through your class? Or when you’ve just sat through an extremely long and uncomfortable annual review session that was basically, “the organization’s leaders are not granting any bonuses this year because the organization didn’t make our numbers, but I need to make it sound like it is your fault.”
Getting Through It
Try one, or all, of the following to move through what feels like your horrible, no good, very bad, worst day ever:
- First order of business, remember how this column began: You are not your worst feedback. Then breathe. Deep breaths. Consciously lower your shoulders and physically walk away.
- Go through the exercise of giving yourself permission to put the thing into a mental “box” to be taken out and examined later. This is a bit ritualistic, and you might feel silly doing it the first time. But it works—try it!
- When you’re feeling less fragile and confused, take the thing out and examine it for any clues as to how the experience might have gone differently. Often, there isn’t. You tried.
- Consider that the person inflicting the horrible, no good, very bad, worst day onto you might, in fact, be having one themselves. It was more about them than you.
- Also consider that there is so much that is just plain outside of your control—except for how you react and learn from the experience. That part is always on you.
- Become a stellar practitioner at being able to determine when something is in your span of control, then shift accordingly. Being adept at doing this will take you far.
- Choose a destruction method that suits you and the circumstance best and go to it. (Of course, all safety rules apply!)
After working through all of this, give yourself permission to move it out of the “box,” destroy it, and never think about it again. Ever.
