How are you doing as a mentee these days? Many organizations have mentoring programs, pairing junior employees with more experienced leaders. Mentorship often is framed as a relationship where a mentor imparts wisdom, offering guidance, connections, and support.
But I hypothesize: Mentoring is only as effective as the mentee’s willingness to engage, apply, and grow. If mentees are waiting for their mentors to tell them what to do, and mentors think their mentees should be more forward-leaning, they both miss an opportunity to thrive.
Intrinsic and Extrinsic Motivation
Engage: A great mentee actively participates, asks insightful questions, and seeks opportunities to learn rather than waiting for guidance to be handed to them. They drive the mentoring conversation toward their goals and ask important questions of their mentor.
Apply: Knowledge without action is wasted potential. The most impactful mentees take the lessons learned and implement them into their daily work and decision-making. They “report back” after weeks or months, so their mentor knows they take action.
Grow: Mentorship is all about evolving. Mentees who embrace feedback, challenge themselves, and push beyond their comfort zones see the greatest transformation.
At the core of this relationship are two motivational forces: intrinsic and extrinsic motivation. I recommend mentees seek mentorship, tapping their internal drive to grow while defining and working toward external factors such career advancement industry recognition as motivators.
Recognizing motivational drivers is essential for a successful mentor-mentee relationship. Theories such as Self-Efficacy and Goal Orientation Theory provide frameworks for mentees to thrive. Self-efficacy (the belief in one’s ability to succeed) fuels confidence, while goal orientation influences how mentees approach learning and growth, shaping their level of engagement in the mentorship process.
In your experience, where does more of the responsibility land for successful mentoring programs?
I’ve talked with leaders for almost 30 years—across industries, and around the world—to gain insight into successful mentoring initiatives. Often, I hear them tell me that they have mentor training programs, formalized pairing initiatives, and “every-now-and-then” support programs to spur their mentoring programs along. My question is always the same:
“What kind of mentee-specific training are you supporting?”
The 3 Traits of a Great Mentee
If you’ve ever had a mentor (or are in the market for a new one), ask yourself: Am I the best mentee I could be?
Strong mentors don’t just tell their mentees what to do to be successful, And strong mentees don’t just absorb knowledge; they engage, take ownership, and reciprocate. Here’s what that looks like in practice:
Engagement: Be Present and Proactive
Mentorship isn’t passive. Great mentees come prepared; they have pre-identified goals, ask thoughtful questions, and actively listen. They take notes, follow up, and show appreciation for their mentor’s time.
Action Step: Before your next meeting, jot down two to three specific areas where you need guidance. Come ready to discuss your progress and challenges.
Ownership: Implement and Take Initiative
Advice without action is useless. A mentee’s job is to take the mentor’s insights and apply them, experimenting, reflecting, and refining along the way. Mentors appreciate when they see their guidance being used.
Action Step: Identify one piece of advice from a mentor and take immediate action on it. Report back on how you used that lesson to grow.
Reciprocity: Give Back to the Relationship
Mentorship is a two-way street. Mentees can offer fresh perspectives, share resources, or simply express genuine gratitude. Relationships thrive on mutual investment.
Action Step: Find a way to give back—send an article related to a recent conversation, introduce your mentor to a relevant connection, or simply write a thank you note acknowledging their impact.
Your MentorAbility Challenge
As you reflect on your own experience as a mentee, consider these three questions:
- What is a lesson I’ve learned from a mentor that has stuck with me? (And how have I used that lesson in the last week?)
- Who can I mentor, so I can practice what it’s like to be on both sides of the mentoring relationship? (Reach out to at least three people today, to book a meeting!)
- How can I show up to my next mentoring appointment more prepared? (Don’t have a “next” session on your calendar? Schedule it today!)
That line of questioning—a framework for change, really—is what I use often to mentor myself through change. What…Who…How… Commit to one small action this week—whether you reflect on a lesson you have learned, find someone to mentor, show up more prepared for your next conversation, set clearer goals for your mentorship, or offer something of value in return.
Mentorship as a Shared Journey
Being a great mentee isn’t just about receiving guidance—it’s about being an active, accountable, and engaged participant. I have seen that the best (and longer-lasting) mentoring relationships aren’t just one-way programs; they are dynamic partnerships where both individuals grow.
What makes you the best mentee you could be is your experience to connect motivation with action. Those who build self-efficacy—the belief in their own ability to improve—and cultivate a growth-oriented mindset unlock the full power of being a mentee. Please, take ownership of the opportunity; you’ll become a stronger contributor to your teams, organizations, and industries.
So as you navigate your career, leadership, and personal development, remember: Mentorship works best when you work for it. Step up, own the process, and create a mentorship experience that truly transforms you.
