I’m going to attempt to take on a delicate subject no one really wants to talk about: potentially embarrassing bodily functions during a public presentation. As a speaker and a human, this is something you’re going to have to deal with sooner or later, so here are some commonsense, ounce-of-prevention measures:
- Avoid spicy meals before your presentation. Even if you love Mexican or Thai food, keep in mind that spicy foods can have negative effects on the digestive system, producing everything from heartburn and stomachaches to gas. Starting the evening before your talk, bypass spicy foods, bubbly drinks, and alcohol in favor of blander fare with fiber and vegetables. This will help rein in your digestive processes and allow you to remain regular in the morning.
- Eat a light meal before your presentation. Don’t skip eating altogether before a presentation, because you’ll need the fuel to keep you going. Eat something light and finish eating an hour before you speak. If I’m the luncheon speaker, I will arrive already having eaten. I might pick at my salad but don’t want to weigh myself down with a big meal, which redirects your body’s resources to digestion and can make you sluggish. Additionally, your digestive noises can be heard in a small group, and you’ll have to mitigate the other bodily side effects and by-products of eating.
- Wake up early to begin getting ready. If I’m the morning speaker, I allow myself two full hours to eat and maintain my “regular” (so to speak) routine. Then use the restroom once more time right before your presentation, just as you would before a car trip. If you’re later seized with an upset stomach, an urge to go to the restroom, or you feel ill, do your best to hold on until you can call a break. If you can’t, put the group into an exercise if possible and leave at a dignified pace. If that’s not possible, call an early break and calmly advise the audience on when to return. (If you’re wearing a lavaliere microphone, leave it at the podium to make sure it’s not switched on in the restroom.)
- If you have a cold, take a non-drowsy antihistamine 45 minutes before speaking. Bring along some tissues, as well. There is nothing worse than watching a speaker swipe his hand or sleeve across his nose. If you need to blow your nose, turn away to do so, and for heaven’s sake turn off your microphone before you do it. If you can, wait until a break to blow your nose, but don’t snuffle in the microphone. If you sneeze or cough, apologize and explain, “I have a little cold today, I’m afraid,” or something similar, but do not mention it again. Frankly, the audience doesn’t care if you’re sick; they came to learn from you, sick or not, so fake it and don’t be melodramatic.
- Bring Your Own Water (BYOW). You will expel water from your body as you talk and will get a headache quickly if you don’t drink for more than an hour. You can’t count on the client or venue having water, so always BYOW. You’ll almost certainly find your mouth becoming dry, and the overhead lights may overheat you. Pause and take a sip whenever you get dry-mouthed or a have an itchy throat. It’s more refined to pour your water into a glass, rather than slugging right out of the bottle.
- Do not drink carbonated drinks during your presentation. (I learned this the hard way.) Realizing I was going to burp, I switched off my microphone, turned to the back, covered my mouth, burped as lightly as I could while pretending to cough, and then said, “Oooooh, sorry, tickle.” So if you make an unexpected bodily noise during the presentation, either ignore it and move on, or apologize and continue. While we all hope something like this won’t happen, if it ever does, handle it professionally and your audience will do the same. We’re all adults, after all, not 12-year-old boys (hopefully no one will burst out laughing at you like my teenage boys do with every bodily noise).
Speakers aren’t superhuman; they have all the frailties that come with flesh, from physical discomfort to sickness to funny noises in the gut. Don’t obsess over the possibilities, but always remain aware of what might happen so you can take the proper precautions—and respond appropriately and professionally if something does happen.
Laura Stack, MBA, CSP, is an expert in productivity. For more than 20 years, Stack has worked with business leaders to execute more efficiently, boost performance, and accelerate results in the workplace. Her company, The Productivity Pro, Inc., provides productivity workshops around the globe to help attendees achieve Maximum Results in Minimum Time. Stack is the bestselling author of six books, with more than 20 foreign editions, published by Random House, Wiley, and Berrett-Koehler, including her newest work, “Execution IS the Strategy” (March 2014). An expert in the field of performance and workplace issues, Stack has been featured on the CBS Early Show, CNN, the Wall Street Journal, and The New York Times. Connect via her website, Facebook, or Twitter.
