Maybe the most important skill one can learn for business is how to be a great active listener. Whether you are meeting with your boss, your subordinates, your peers, a potential client, or an adversary, tuning in to what is really being said is essential. Since everyone listens based on their own values, it is easy to make incorrect assumptions if you don’t validate. Even when you think the other party is in agreement, validating concerns around what can go wrong makes a lot of sense.
Over the years, I have seen some interesting mistakes made based on reacting to what an executive thought he heard versus what was really being said. One of the best examples occurred with a St. Louis client. The CEO asked us to coach the new VP of Human Resources, whom he felt was having problems fitting into the culture of the company. Asked to explain, he advised, “he is just not on my wavelength.” One incident he felt demonstrated the problem. The CEO’s assistant asked the VP of HR if the administrative staff, which was about 10 women, could organize an aerobics class during the lunch hour, based on a Jane Fonda exercise tape. The VP thought it would be fine but felt he had to clear it with the CEO. So at his next one-on-one meeting with the CEO, he relayed their request. The CEO got red in the face and retorted, “No (effing) way.”
Startled by the CEO’s reaction, the VP of HR immediately backed off and didn’t ask any further questions. He then advised the CEO’s assistant that it wouldn’t work and they should let it go.
A few weeks later, the CEO asked his assistant whether they were still thinking about the aerobics class. She told him what the VP had reported to her and that they, therefore, had dropped the idea.
The CEO replied that his reaction had nothing to do with the aerobics class, which he felt was a great idea, but with Jane Fonda, whom he despised because of her activities during the Vietnam War. The assistant laughed and told him there was no problem as they could easily find another instruction tape.
There are those who would give the VP of HR a pass as he obviously was intimidated. However, that is the problem with making assumptions rather than actively listening. By not developing a strategy to draw out why the CEO was so outraged, he came across as ineffective and made a bad decision. If, instead, he had asked the boss, “Obviously, my question upset you, is there something I should know to understand the situation better?” my sense is that the CEO would have explained what was really bothering him as he did with the assistant, and the VP of HR would have come away looking much more effective.
In other cases, because we have different value systems, we might assume a client’s issue might be price when it is that he is not comfortable with who is delivering the business or the product, because that would be our issue.
So with above said, here are some techniques that will make you a better and more effective listener:
- Focus on the actual words, gestures, and tone of the speaker.
- Try not to have a preconceived opinion of what the speaker’s point of view is. Keep your mind open.
- Don’t assume what someone is saying and if you are not sure—ask.
- When the other person is upset or appears to have a problem, help with non-directive listening. Repeat back in your own words what they said, emphasizing their feelings about the problem: “You feel you are not being treated fairly.” Talk as little as possible and don’t argue or point out they are illogical, or even give them solutions to their problem. Draw them out first on the problem.
- Don’t read people’s minds or finish their sentences.
- Don’t spend time thinking about what you are going to say next—listen.
Becoming a good listener will help you become both a good problem-solver and negotiator as good listeners develop trust and are able to truly understand the issues.
Excerpt from “The Case for Wasting Time and Other Management Heresies” by Howard Pines. For more information, visit http://bookstore.authorhouse.com/Products/SKU-000624906/The-Case-for-Wasting-Time-and-Other-Management-Heresies.aspx
Howard Pines has more than 30 years experience as CEO, chairman, and founder of BeamPines, a firm in the executive coaching business. He also co-founded the BeamPines/Middlesex University Master’s Program in Executive Coaching. Prior to that, he served as senior VP of Human Resources for a Fortune 100 corporation.
