It’s no myth—more than 90 percent of communication is nonverbal. Studies over the decades repeatedly demonstrate this fact. In a noted study published in 1972, Albert Mehrabian reported that only 7 percent of communication takes place via the words we choose. Another 38 percent is voice, including tone, and the remainder—more than 50 percent—is nonverbal, which includes our body language, eye contact, and movements.
If only 7 percent of our understanding of a message is through the verbiage we choose, then our continued reliance on e-mail and text messages creates a sea of opportunity for misunderstanding. A study from Vault showed 51 percent of respondents said the tone of their e-mails often is misperceived, usually in a negative way. That survey was done in 2000, almost two decades ago—and we face the same problems with digital communication today.
As the president of the National Conflict Resolution Center (NCRC), I have been entrenched in the field of conflict resolution for years. I have worked with thousands of individuals and organizations, including a number of federal agencies, large national health-care systems, and a multitude of Fortune 500/1000 companies. What I’ve seen in my years of mediating and training workplace teams is that many of the conflicts in workplace teams stem from miscommunication across digital platforms.
Technology has allowed us to become more efficient in the workplace. Yet, it also has created more chasms in understanding at times. In order to foster better communication among employees, some companies have adopted open workspaces that allow employees to collaborate and communicate directly. However, as up to 25 percent of a manager’s time is spent resolving workplace conflict, it’s clear that building community-oriented workspaces is not the definitive answer. Instead, let’s focus on improving our employees’ communication skills through emotional intelligence, critical thinking, and conflict resolution tools.
Here are a few of NCRC’s tried-and-true tips for minimizing or de-escalating digital conflict in a workplace.
Digital Etiquette
There are a few general guidelines for digital communication that, if followed, can help prevent misunderstandings from occurring. First, it’s always important to think before you type/text. Keep language positive, otherwise the lack of nonverbal cues can lead to confused meanings. Using all capital letters over digital platforms often is considered “virtually shouting.” Be careful about what you choose to write in all-caps—in fact, it’s best to avoid writing any statements in this manner.
Also, be aware of who is copied on an e-mail. Imagine the e-mail recipients sitting around a meeting table—would you share your digital message in-person to the group at that table? If the answer is “No,” then refrain from sharing your comment in a group message. Copying others on an e-mail that involves back-and-forth between two people is essentially arguing in public.
Attempt to Understand
Before you send an e-mail, consider how it may be interpreted from the other person’s perspective. Half of the time, digital communication is misinterpreted as rude or angry simply because someone wrote in haste and didn’t consider “couching” their phrasing like they would in person. Reread your messages and ask yourself, “If a colleague sent that to me, how would I react?” If there is any content that raises a red flag, alter it before sending, or opt for a non-written method of communication such as a phone call or stepping over to the recipient’s desk.
If you are the recipient of an e-mail you feel is aggressive, it’s just as important to pause and attempt to understand before sending off a reactive response. Give the sender the benefit of the doubt—do you feel he or she is intentionally being aggressive? Probably not. Your best response is to clarify tone in person if you have any questions about it.
Step Away from the Screen
If you are feeling attacked or experiencing conflict over a digital platform, step away from the screen. The immediacy of digital communication can lead to reactive responses instead of allowing us to pause and consider context before responding.
Without the nuances of body language, verbal tone, and other cues, it is more difficult to be emotionally intelligent over digital platforms. If you have no communication option other than e-mail, be thoughtful with your response. Avoid accusatory statements such as “You said” or “You did,” and instead opt for “I feel” or “I would like” statements that demonstrate your perspective in a non-confrontational way.
Call in Support
If you feel the problem has escalated digitally and you are not comfortable confronting your coworker in a constructive way—digitally or in person—call in support from your manager. If it is a serious issue where you feel it’s creating a hostile work environment for you, then your superiors need to know. Remember that digital communication is traceable. Text messages and e-mail chains can be saved and recalled later, so it’s important you do not say something you will regret in the future.
The bottom line is, while digital tools have made us more productive, they offer multitudes of ways messages can be miscommunicated and cause conflict. Live conversations offer the best opportunity to understand others, resolve conflict, or make large business decisions together. If the only option is digital, then the earlier you can address an issue, the easier it will be to de-escalate it.
Steven P. Dinkin has served as president of the National Conflict Resolution Center (NCRC) since 2003. He has co-authored two books on conflict resolution: “The Exchange, A Bold and Proven Approach to Resolving Workplace Conflict” and “The Exchange Strategy for Managing Conflict in Health Care.” National Conflict Resolution Center (NCRC) provides the resources, training, and expertise to help people, organizations, and communities around the world manage and solve conflicts, with civility. NCRC was founded in 1983 by the University of San Diego Law Center and the San Diego County Bar Association. With more than 35 years of experience and 20,000-plus cases managed, NCRC is recognized as an international leader in mediation instruction and conflict resolution. To learn more, donate, or volunteer, call 619-238-2400 or visit www.ncrconline.com. Connect with NCRC on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram.
