I have always thought of myself as a mousey person. My voice is naturally soft, and I don’t like asserting myself into cliques and conversations that are already in motion.
I’m now giving this self-interpretation a second thought after reading this Forbes article by Heidi Lynne Kurter. It outlines classic traits of aggressive workplace personalities. Some of the traits are distinctly not me, while others, I have to admit, describe past behavior.
Those traits that fall into the “never-me” category: Using crude and disrespectful language (aloud or to the person’s face), threats, tearing others down, and cyberbullying.
Traits that do describe how I act sometimes: Interrupting someone while they’re speaking, silent treatment (a favorite approach), and verbal hostility (at least with one past manager).
What I can say in defense is that when I exhibited aggressive workplace personality traits, it was in response to another person acting aggressively toward me. For example, a past manager liked to hold forth 10 minutes, or much longer, without letting me respond or ask a question. From that experience, I acquired the habit—not just with him, but with others like him—of asking questions and making comments without waiting for the end of the speech or even a pause. Now, as soon as I’m in a meeting with a person I sense has an aggressive personality, I push back and assert myself by interrupting them mid-sentence if they are holding forth excessively without pausing.
I gave that same past manager the silent treatment when all else failed. After talking about our problems didn’t work, I decided the best approach would be to continue to do a good job on my work while disregarding him as much as possible. I would respond when asked a question, but would only give him sidelong glances, and rarely would speak to him while looking him in the eye. It was my passive-aggressive way of letting him know: “I don’t like you and I don’t want anything to do with you. I need this job, but otherwise, I would like to remove you from my life.”
In addition to seeming to want to prevent me from giving input, he consistently left me out of meetings and was dismissive about my abilities and contributions, refusing to acknowledge the important, singular role I played at our tiny publication. Not coincidentally, being “dismissive of others’ opinions, thoughts, and ideas,” is on the list of aggressive workplace personality traits. The more I think about it, the more I realize that my aggressive tendencies were more an act of fighting back than my true nature. How many others who display aggressive traits in the workplace are doing the same?
How can an organization evaluate whether aggressive personalities are undermining the corporate culture? If you identify people who display aggressive tendencies that negatively impact others, what should you do? From my own experience, I would consider first whether those aggressive people are responding to others who acted aggressively toward them. Another possibility is that their aggression is a learned behavior they picked up at a previous company.
It’s also important to consider whether the person who has been described as “aggressive” is actually aggressive or just being held to different standards than others. In one of my college classes, I answered nearly every question that was asked. A man at the back of the room shouted, “Back off,” eventually after I answered one question too many. I always wondered whether he would have had that same reaction if I had been a man. There is still a cultural expectation that women will be more passive and gentle than men. When a woman is just as forceful as a man, there can be a sense that she is stepping outside her lane, or societal role. “Aggressive” behavior exhibited by Black people also has been stereotyped, so that a Black employee, who was only asserting themselves in an appropriate way, might be mischaracterized by some as negatively aggressive. It’s important to assess whether the “aggression” is only characterized that way because of who it is coming from. If it were coming from another employee, would it be considered acceptable?
When you have an aggressive dog or cat, the immediate question is whether the animal was abused, and whether the animal’s current environment is pushing them to exhibit aggressive behaviors. The same approach should be used when thinking about human behavior. Your negatively aggressive employees may be responding to shortcomings in your corporate culture. They may feel that to survive and thrive, that’s the way they have to act. What can you do to fix the root causes of that behavior, such as their treatment by colleagues? And how do you reeducate a negatively aggressive employee, so they understand they can progress at your company without resorting to excessively aggressive tactics?
