What matters? Good question, right? Well, we like to think so. What matters to us right now is sharing with you just what we mean by What Matters?!
When we talk about What Matters?!, we are referring to a set of navigational tools called the What Matters?! framework. The framework consists of a set of five practices and mindsets that help people incorporate regular self-reflection, have open and courageous conversations, explore previously invisible options, and dare to make powerful, life-affirming choices. It includes aspects of positive psychology, adult learning theory, neuroscience, coaching, 12-step programs, as well as philosophy. It is visually depicted in the following illustration.
For many of us, life in the 21st century is almost intolerably complex and demanding. Working, earning, parenting, dealing with health issues—even playing and enjoying time with friends—can feel like endless tasks with little fulfillment and way too much stress.
We like to describe the What Matters?! framework as a human technology for helping people thrive in complex times. It provides a foundation for conscious and intentional living amidst the overstimulation of today’s world.
The What Matters?! approach is about both what you do—at home, at work, in relationships, in all areas of your life—and how you do it. It’s the way in which you walk the path that becomes your life. As the saying goes, “The journey is the destination.”
Stop and Ask
Stop and Ask is both the first of the What Matters?! practices and it is the foundation for the entire framework. Here you simply Stop and Ask yourself what’s important: Am I living what really matters to me? Am I spending my time on what’s important to me? Am I creating suffering or joy with my choices? And are these choices supporting or undermining my well-being? If you want to live What Matters?!, you need to pause—once a day, once an hour, as often as necessary—and ask yourself these key questions.
Reach In
When we Reach In, we nourish our body, mind, and spirit, and we build our resiliency to overcome current and future circumstances. Reaching In can most simply be defined as: what you do to be comfortable in your own skin (and mind) so that you are in a healthy relationship with yourself and the world around you.
Examples of Reaching In can be as simple as eating a good meal, walking, dancing, journaling, listening to music, meditating, or praying. Whatever works for you, works! It’s about calling forth your strength, being at your best, and getting centered so you can get out of your own way and face any circumstance from a place of choice.
Reach Out
Reach Out is about finding the people who can help you live What Matters?! Who do you need beyond yourself in order to thrive?
Reaching Out can be as simple as calling a friend when you are stressed. Or you can find a mentor; hire a coach; get a therapist; talk to your minster, priest, rabbi, imam/mullah, hairdresser, yogi, whoever! Join the club of your choice, whether it be a garden club, bike club, theater club, or book club. Whatever interests you—just get out there!
Plan
In our experience, living What Matters?! does not happen accidentally. It requires Planning. Every minute of every day we are choosing something, but we usually choose by default instead of with clear intention. It takes Planning to identify what you will do, when you will do it, and the support required to follow through. When you don’t Plan, you end up reacting to the day’s events as they occur rather than consciously and deliberately choosing where you want to go.
Remember that small changes are a great way to start your journey. You don’t have to boil the ocean. Also, the best plans focus on pursuing what is in your control while accepting (through the practice of Reach In) what is out of your control.
Act
By the time you get to the Act practice, you are ready to go and do what matters to you. Whatever you have decided, based on Stopping and Asking, Reaching In and Reaching Out, and Planning, now is the time do it. It is easy to talk yourself out of the steps you want (and need) to take in order to live what matters to you, but please do not wait for the stars to be perfectly aligned. Practicing Act is about getting going and holding yourself accountable.
Mindsets
The What Matters?! practices are intentional behavioral habits to enhance your well-being. To get their full benefit, however, there is an optimal state of mind to engage with yourself and the world around you. We call these the What Matters?! mindsets, If Stop and Ask, Reach In, Reach Out, Plan, and Act are the engine of the What Matters?! Model, then the five mindsets: Humor, Kindness, Self-honesty, Curiosity, and Gratitude are the fuel (the rocket fuel) that propels you forward.
The What Matters?! mindsets offer another lens through which to view your world and any particular issue you may be facing. These mindsets are a consciously adopted set of attitudes, intents, and feelings that determine how we see and interpret the world around us. They are particularly helpful in changing your point of view when you are challenged by your circumstances. The field of positive psychology has proven that these mindsets open up possibilities and lessen negative emotions such as anxiety, jealousy, and aggression. We invite you to incorporate them into your daily routine.
What Matters?! has been successfully adopted by a wide variety of audiences—corporate executives, parents, young professionals, newlyweds, health-care workers, empty nesters, mid-lifers, retirees, and recent college graduates. The common denominator among these seemingly disparate groups is that they are all facing an unprecedented level of complexity. In short, the What Matters?! framework is universal. If you are a human being, you will benefit.
Excerpt from “Ask What Matters?! A Practical Approach to Your Total Well-Being” by Paul Sherman (2016). It is available at www.askwhatmatters.com/the-book and on Amazon.
Paul Sherman is a globally renowned executive coach, Learning professional, and co-author of “Ask What Matters?! A Practical Approach to Your Total Well-Being.” Over his 25-year career, he has worked with more than 50 major organizations and government agencies worldwide.
