I have endured big shifts in the workplace—from surprise workflow changes to layoffs and even the departure and addition of new colleagues that went unnoted.
The big question I always long to ask: “Why didn’t you just pick up the phone?” In the old days, if you had a serious concern about a colleague, manager, or situation, you would give them a call to talk.
In today’s world, you might not converse at all, or an online chat might take the place of an old-fashioned conversation.
Loneliness in the workplace, like the rest of society, is making its impact known, according to a recent article by Kristin Gleitsman and Luis Velasquez published in Harvard Business Review.
“…meaningful interaction is being displaced by shallow, technology-mediated exchange, making the problem more acute. Someone might ‘react’ to dozens of messages and still feel profoundly isolated. Algorithm-driven platforms like LinkedIn inflate expectations of how socially connected, accomplished, or fulfilled we should feel. The growing gap between perceived and lived connection creates a kind of emotional dissonance—one that makes people less willing to share authentically, reinforcing the very isolation they’re experiencing,” Gleitsman and Velasquez write.
The False Promise of Social Media “Connection”
I have heard it said that LinkedIn provides a supportive online community. I believe up to a point that’s true.
I have experienced people reaching out to me for opportunities through LinkedIn and offering expressions of support. However, for a person who doesn’t go overboard using the platform, who checks in once a day and may give the occasional thumbs up to a post or two, the network isn’t overly supportive.
Like other social networks, those who interact the most with it are most rewarded. If you don’t find it gratifying to spend hours on social media but like to post important information or news when you need to, you probably won’t get the response you hoped for.
Spending an inordinate amount of time on social media to ensure you get the highest level of response seems like a vicious cycle that generates loneliness. The response you get to social media posts is a shallow form of interaction. So some of us don’t devote substantial time to social media. Instead, we spend in-person time with friends and colleagues and do offline activities such as reading a book or taking a walk. Then, when we go onto a platform like LinkedIn, we find that not nearly as many people are there for us as they are for a colleague who appears to spend hour upon hour per day on the site.
In other words, the amount of time and attention you need to devote to a social media site to get a consistently good response is a pursuit that requires a lot of isolated time in front of your phone or computer.
Back-to-Back Meetings with Hardly Anyone in the Same Room
When the pandemic hit, we experienced the phenomenon of meetings called for things that in previous years would have occasioned no more than quick phone call, e-mail or text message. People were lonely, so it was understandable. Yet now, with the pandemic past, and our lives ostensibly back to normal, the overload on virtual meetings continues.
With many people never returning to their office after the pandemic, while others have been required to return anywhere from two to a full five days per week, it’s not unusual to have the people who commuted to an office sitting together in a conference room dialing into a video call with co-workers who are fully remote. In some cases, one poor soul in a department is commuting to an office while the rest of their colleagues are remote, with that one person dialing in from a sparsely populated office.
Like social media, the overload of video calls seems to be overcompensation for a workplace that lacks substantive connection. Gleitsman and Velasquez note the spontaneous interactions that would occur in the pre-pandemic in-person workplace. People would have unscheduled, breezy conversations in the hallway, in the kitchen, or even in the bathroom. How do you replicate that in the current environment?
Fixing Loneliness Without Demanding a Return to Office
Some people moved far from their previous homes during the pandemic, but many others stayed relatively close or in the same spot. Working from home has tremendous advantages, and if a job really doesn’t require an in-person presence, why require it?
You can still address the loneliness challenge without demanding a return to office. You can do that by instituting something as simple as monthly in-person social gatherings. These meetups can vary month to month. One month it could be a happy hour, the next month it could be bowling, the next month dessert and coffee, the next month dinner and a movie.
As social outings, attendance shouldn’t be required, but savvy employees will get the hint that it’s a good idea for them to attend.
More importantly, they may enjoy these events enough that you don’t have to require or coax them to attend. They will rediscover the relief and joy of having a casual conversation in a relaxed setting with colleagues that doesn’t require checking “yes,” “no,” or “maybe” on a meeting invitation.
Are loneliness and isolation topics for discussion in your organization? How do you create a sense of substantive connection in your workplace?