When I reflect on my most stressful work experiences, a common denominator is lack of communication. Whether it’s cold treatment from a supervisor or a new manager who waits until it’s too late to communicate new requirements of a job, deficient communication is nearly always the culprit.
Less than a Warm Welcome
When I was just starting out as a professional, I experienced a supervisor who would eye me up and down and look at me with raised eyebrows when I smiled and said, “Hello.” She would look at me with a blank face when I spoke to her, whether trying to make chit chat or simply discussing a work challenge. As a sensitive person, this treatment was so upsetting that I eventually walked into her office, closed the door behind me, and asked what was wrong. She denied anything was wrong and then continued treating me with coldness and a lack of support. I expressed my concerns to our shared boss, who also denied there was a problem.
Two-and-a-half years into that job, I left. At the exit interview, I was afraid to tell the Human Resources manager that any aspect of my supervisor’s and boss’s behavior had been upsetting or confusing for me. What if I needed them for future references?
Finally, the HR manager read between the lines of what I wanted to say and put it into words on my behalf, saying something like, “How about that they could have communicated with you better?” I nodded my head and exhaled. That was exactly it. We all knew there was an interpersonal problem, and though I signaled a desire to acknowledge it and talk it out, my supervisor and boss did not want to engage in that conversation. I’m a highly expressive person by nature, so this communication stonewalling was a torture that, among other reasons, pushed me to find another job.
Communicating dissatisfaction with employees should be a requirement, rather than a best practice, for managers. Just as there is compliance training to meet legal requirements, there should be mandatory communication training first when an employee is promoted to manager and then annually after that. Ideal communication training would involve role-play exercises, but at the very least, there should be eLearning with a dynamic simulation that allows the employee to see the consequences of making different communication choices. In one scenario, the employee sees what happens when they don’t communicate at all, and in another scenario, they see what happens when they communicate but do so in an ineffective or unfair way. The third option shows them how it likely would play out if they communicated in the best way.
New Supervisor, New Expectations, No Communication
After nearly 15 years, which included a recent expansion of responsibility and the biggest raise I had ever gotten, a colleague I had been coequal with was promoted to be my boss. I expressed to her my concerns about our new relationship before she took the helm, and she reassured me: “No, no, it’s going to be good,” she said in response to my anxieties.
Fast forward a few months later and she alerted me to the risk that she would have to give me an unflattering performance review. She said she just wanted to “show we were working on some things” before she submitted the report—as if she were doing me a favor so she wouldn’t make me look bad. We had been work friends for well over a decade, so I trusted her. I asked if I would get a sense if my job was in danger. She cut off my questions: “We’re not there yet,” she said. She outlined several things she wanted me to do differently. I proceeded to follow her instructions and do all those things. But nevertheless, almost exactly four weeks from that point, I was told my job would be ending.
Why did she wait until it was too late to communicate with me, and then, when she did communicate, why was she dishonest?
Communicating dissatisfaction early, rather than waiting until it’s a moot point, should be a requirement for managers. More importantly, communicating expectations when taking over a leadership role should be an action that must happen within the first two weeks of becoming an employee’s new manager. This is a conversation Learning and Development (L&D) professionals can help prepare the manager for, so they can say something as seemingly simple to express as: “I want to make sure we’re on the same page. The way I do things, and what I expect of employees, may be different from what you’ve experienced so far in your role, so I want to be up front and let you know how I like to do things and then get input from you.”
The well-trained manager, who has undergone effective communication training, then would understand how to navigate that conversation, addressing the employee’s concerns while making sure they understand the non-negotiable new requirements of the job and all changes that will need to be made.
A Prerequisite Communication Evaluation?
Communication is so important that I wonder whether an evaluation of communication skills should take place even before the decision is made to promote someone. An L&D professional could pose a series of scenarios, or it could be done via an advanced eLearning simulation, and the employee would have to score above a certain number or percentage to gain their promotion.
An intelligent, efficient person is not necessarily a person who can effectively communicate with others, especially if those others are employees another manager hired and developed.
Does your organization have mandatory communication training for managers? How do you ensure your managers communicate fairly and effectively?