Some of you may have heard of the late Rodney Dangerfield, the American comedian and actor known for the catchphrase, “I don’t get no respect!” His comedic monologues always revolved around how he never received respect in any area of his life.
While comedy routines stretch the truth to make us laugh, not being respected at work is no laughing matter. When we are disrespected at work, we lose our sense of esteem or worth and feel dishonored as a person. Our lives are being invaded as people intrude where they are not invited and somehow interfere with what we are doing and who we really are.
COMMON SIGNS OF DISRESPECT AT WORK
Recently, I met with several groups of employees at an organization to explore how they felt about respect. In each session, I solicited examples of when people felt disrespected, and, in some cases, it was slightly painful to read the situations they wrote down.
Anglo-Irish novelist and Anglican clergyman Laurence Sterne highlighted the types of behaviors these employees identified when he said, “Respect for ourselves guides our morals; respect for others guides our manners.” It would appear we are forgetting our manners on the job.
Take, for example, the following thematic categories that most of the collected signs of disrespect fell under:
1. Lack of e-mail etiquette. Probably the most prolific form of communication in the workplace, dreaded e-mail fills our in-boxes every day, 24/7. By its frequency, e-mail is the most common tool for demonstrating a lack of respect.
Consider what these employees told me about the lack of politeness with e-mails. It starts with no salutation, greeting, or use of their name—just getting right down to business. The tone of the written content can be overly direct, demanding, and negative. People expect knee-jerk, immediate responses to their requests but have no shame in not responding in a timely fashion to e-mails sent to them. And there’s little or no expression of thanks or appreciation for people’s time and effort in responding. Learn a few e-mail etiquette do’s and don’ts at: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gF_j5wquens
2. Being made to feel like a nobody. Most people want to feel their work is important, but first they want to be appreciated for who they are before they achieve or perform any task.
Perhaps you’ve walked down the office hallway, met someone on the way, smiled, and said “Hi, John!” or “Hi, Jane!” only to receive no acknowledgement back. And if you were greeted, did they also include your name? Seems forgetting to do this is happening more frequently than we’d like to admit. A person’s name is truly magical to his or her ears, and employees simply want to know those they work with care about them as individuals. A simple greeting is all that’s required, and using a person’s name is an easy expression of respect.
3. Lousy meeting experiences. We’ve all had lousy meeting experiences because we’ve attended too many of them.
Not starting on time or rewarding latecomers by waiting for them to show up is the most common complaint. And does anyone notify the organizer anymore if they are not showing up? Then there are those individuals whose personal agenda is more important than the meeting, so they barge in and interrupt any meeting for their own gain. But perhaps the worst sign of disrespect I heard a few times was individuals feeling their ideas, suggestions, and contributions were not valued. Meeting leaders think they’re the kingpins and nobody else matters. And all these factors affect conference calls, too. Consider this comedic scenario of a conference call as real life: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DYu_bGbZiiQ
4. Not listening. You would think we would have learned to listen better to each other at work by now, but regrettably we’re still lacking in this critical life skill.
Too often, people do not pay attention to us when we are speaking with them. They don’t actively show they’re listening to us with nonverbal body language, eye contact, or clarifying comments. Perhaps the worse sign of disrespect comes from our dependency on electronic devices. Whether computer screens, smart phones, or other devices, we fail to put them down and look the person who is speaking to us in the eyes. Partial attention is no attention.
5. Too much noise pollution. With many open office spaces and cubicles versus closed-door offices, another major sign of disrespect is the abundance of noise and lack of consideration for people wanting a quiet work environment.
We have experienced, and sometimes participated in, social conversations in the hallway. It is nice to chat and stay connected with people, but is it the right time and place to do this? And these days, the office phone is supplanted by the ubiquitous cell or smart phone. The problem is, people speak too loudly and forget others around them are working. Check out this cell phonecrashing video to remind you what it feels like: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YA1J-raGinQ
WITH ALL DUE RESPECT, STOP
In W. Timothy Gallwey’s classic book, “The Inner Game of Work,” he suggests a process we all can use to refocus our minds on how we should treat others. The STOP tool invites us to disengage and move forward respectfully in the right direction. The STOP acronym stands for:
- Step back from what you are doing and start to think more clearly about the situation at hand and the people involved.
- Think of others’ feelings and how your words and actions may affect someone.
- Organize your thoughts logically and respectfully for how to move forward.
- Proceed when the respectful and right next steps are clear to you.
We may not always get the respect we deserve, but to show more respect to others, we can follow Mary Ann Pietzker’s poetic advice from 1872, “Is It True? Is It Necessary? Is It Kind?”
Roy Saunderson is author of “GIVING the Real Recognition Way” and Chief Learning Officer of Rideau’s Recognition Management Institute, a consulting and training firm specializing in helping companies “get recognition right.” Its focus is on showing leaders how to give real recognition to create positive relationships, better workplaces, and real results. For more information, contact RoySaunderson@Rideau.com or visit http://www.Rideau.com.
